Going from 2 to 3

An interesting transition in life is going from just you and your spouse, to having a child. We talked about things that would be really important to know as a family as you make that transition. My wife and I already have a child. He is about 15 months old and his name is Cache. We feel so blessed to have the opportunity to have him and to be his parents.

One thing that I remember that stands out to me when I was going through this transition is that I was really stressed. Don't get me wrong, my wife and I were really excited to be having our first child. However, as a student and being the husband, I felt the strain of finances. Its my role to provide for my family. I felt overwhelmed at the fact that there was soon to be another in our home that would need my support. Money was tight, but it always is being in college. I guess that I just learned a great lesson in Faith. I had to have faith that God would see us through it. As I realized that this great thing that was happening is so important to God's plan for Our happiness, I began to trust in Him more. I knew that things would be OK. And they were. We were able to get the resources we needed to make having our first child a wonderful experience.

In Marriage, Dating needs to continue with your Spouse

This week we talked about preparing for marriage. We discussed a lot of great things about how to date and what kind of things we should be looking for as we date. I hope that all that information will be used well be my classmates who are not yet married. As we discussed this topic throughout the week, I kept thinking, "how can I apply these principles I'm learning about dating into my life since I'm already married?"

One of the most important principles that we talked about was that we need to date rather than just hang out. This caused me to reflect back upon my courtship with my wife Kate. We did go on some great dates and did some really fun things. However, I do think that we may have fell into this trend of hanging out a bit too much. The interesting thing is that how you act and what you do when you date carries over to what you do when you're married. SO... I feel that my wife and I hang out too much, rather than going out and doing something, something planned, something prepared, something interesting and different. We probably sit at home too much watching too many movies.

I'm very grateful that learning about this has opened my eyes. I'm going to take my wife out on more dates. I'm going to surprise her with fun things to go do that I've planned. She always tells me that she would like that so much. Wives are so smart! I know that by dating my wife we will continue to grow closer as a couple and strengthen our marriage.

Gender means Something

I have really enjoyed the things I have learned about gender through the readings and discussions that we've had in my Family Relations class this past week. One of the things that we learned about is that boys are different than girls and each gender has traits that are typical for their gender. For example girls tend to be better communicators, better at connecting relationships, and usually more attentive to detail. Boys on the other hand tend to be able to see and think in 3D, accel in math, and are more aggressive. However, this doesn't mean that because you are a boy you will have all the "boy characteristics" and it also doesn't mean that if you don't have the male typical traits that you aren't a male.

As parents, we need to help our children develop those talents that they have been naturally gifted with, rather than worry about if it is male or female typical. If they do have abilities that aren't necessarily typical for their gender, this doesn't mean that they are gay or lesbian. Those things are not gay and we as parents and a society need to change the current trend of labeling these things as such! These false labels are one of the factors that have in fact lead many boys and girls down the wrong path to experiment in homosexuality. How we as individuals perceive ourselves largely depends on how others view us.

Culture

Culture is a very important aspect of life and it impacts our family. I was born in Utah but was raised all my life in Rexburg Idaho. So it is probably safe to say that I lived in a somewhat sheltered place. This is due to the fact that my family is LDS and Rexburg is predominantly a LDS community. I was raised a LDS person in a LDS culture.
It wasn't until my mission in St. Louis Missouri that I got a glimpse at what the rest of the people in United States considered normal. Even as a missionary, my eyes were opened to many things that were in that culture that weren't in mine and vice-versa. Seeing this helped me to understand the culture that I was brought up in. To better know one's own culture, one needs to get an outside perspective and also see other cultures.
I am now a parent and have one son so far. I feel that it could greatly benefit my children as they grow up to gain this understanding of their own culture by learning about and witnessing other cultures. There are somethings that in other cultures that we can adopt and apply in our own family culture and somethings that we must stay far away from.

Unspoken Rules

Every family has rules whether they are written down or not. After we had our discussion in class about rules, I feel that most rules in homes are learned from stepping outside of what mom and dad feel the boundaries are. Once we have done that, we are quickly corrected. After experiencing this time and again, we learn what is appropriate.
When we get married, we have to mesh our rules that we, as individuals, grew up by. For example, my wife grew up in a home that when you enter the house you take your shoes off. In my home it was OK if you didn't take your shoes off upon entering (unless of course they were muddy or extremely dirty). After my wife and I got married, I learned that when I came in our home and didn't take off my shoes she would get frustrated with me. She's told me that in order to keep our carpet nice and minimize the amount that we have to vacuum, we need to take our shoes off in the house. I've had a hard time with this rule because I grew up differently. Also, I felt that if my shoes were pretty clean there was no need to take them off. However, she has been persistent in kindly reminding me whenever she catches me with my shoes on in the home. All she has to do to remind me is give the look and direct her eyes toward my shoes and I know. I've begun to make a habit of taking my shoes off at the door. Not only because we have a kid that can walk now and I know that his shoes are going to make a mess if worn in the home, but also because I LOVE MY WIFE!!!