Not being a parent is selfish

I feel strongly that those who are able and married should have children. Of course God feels the same way, as He gave the commandment to multiply and replenish the earth. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that there are many people in the world that don't want to have children for various selfish reasons. I want to pursue my career, I want some time to ourselves, we want to travel, children are to burdensome, I'm scared that we will get a divorce are among some of the reasons people give for not deciding to have kids. The thing that gets me is that people seem to forget the fact that everyone was once a kid. Someone raised you, changed your diapers, fed you, put up with your fits and took care of you. Why should you not be willing to do the same for someone else. Our textbook pointed out that many families are having fewer and fewer children than in the past. This means that family sizes are getting smaller and there are more families with just one kid. In class we discussed some of the negative and selfish consequences that being an only child poses to that child. Without brothers and sisters to learn from it is harder to learn some of the essential things like sharing.

Fatherhood

I feel that fatherhood (as is motherhood) is one of the most important callings that one can perform while in mortality. Like I eluded to above, motherhood is very important, and nothing I say or don't say in this blog means to undermine that vital role. However, today I wish to briefly discuss the importance of fathers.

My father drove truck for a living and because of that he wasn't home much as I grew up. I love my father and respect him. Also, I am so grateful that he worked hard and did what he could to provide for his family. With that said, I also feel that because he was gone so much he missed out on many opportunities and experiences to be with and teach his children. I think that he wasn't able to develop as strong of a relationship with each child as he would have liked. I know that my father realizes this and I think that it hurts him to think about all the stuff that he missed out on. However, I think that due to this he now cherishes the time he gets to be with his kids and grand-kids.

I am going to do my best to be the best father to my children. I want my children to know that I love them so much and that I will be there for them. I want them to be able to feel free to talk openly with me. I want a strong relationship with each one on an individual level that they can each trust me and share their feelings with me.

Stay at Home Mom

After talking in class and to my wife later about parents that both work I realize that it is much better for a family to follow the council of leaders to have the mother stay in the home, if possible. I know my wife gets restless and tired of taking care of kids all day, but we both agree that it is such a huge blessing that our son gets to be with his mom all day rather than a stranger. My wife watches a little girl every day for 5 to 7 hours on average and somedays even 9 hours. I think we both realize how sad that would be to have our son in another persons home getting taught and disciplined by another person. Stay at home mothers also allow for more time for a husband and a wife to spend time together. We realize how difficult it would be to see each other if we both worked and had different schedules and that Cache might not get to see his parents together. The wife helps her husband so much when he can come home and play with his kids and spend time with her because she has helped so much to take care of so many important things that he could not do while at school or work. My wife does so much during the day and it is so nice to come home and know that my partner has prepared everything so I can come in set down my stuff and pick up my boy and she is there waiting for me. It makes me so happy and is such a joy to have that.

Burden or Blessing?

Many stressful unexpected things can and will happen to us throughout our lives. Most of them will be small and insignificant. However, some will be life changing! They can change our lives for the better or for the worse. Much of how these events effect us depends on our attitudes towards what we may deal with. I have had an example of this happen in my own life that gives me a good perspective. When I was in 8th grade I had very bad acne and I had to go to a dermatologist and get shots of Acutane in my face that were so painful that my mom had to hold me down and she would cry as I was screaming in pain. Before this happened I had been fairly popular and liked by alot of people in my grade and played basketball with a bunch of the other popular kids. So after I got my acne I felt embarrassed and ashamed and didn't want to be around any of those people especially any of the girls. Looking back now I can see the blessings of that trial because of all the important lessons I learned and the changes it caused in me. I learned humility and putting myself in other people's shoes and to feel sympathy for other peoples trials and hardships. I could see the flaws that others had that I had once looked down on and now had sympathy and understanding towards them.

Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

This week we discussed the importance of Intimacy in Marriage. One of the things that I got out of it is that couples need to work on it. This is such a vital part of having a healthy marriage. Sex isn't like how you see it portrayed on TV or in the movies. It is something that takes work, communication, patience, love and unselfishness. I feel that Satan tries so hard to make couples mess up with immorality before marriage. It is very likely then that he is trying with just as much effort after we get married to ruin marriage with bad intimacy in marriage.

Its kind of an uncomfortable subject to talk about, but it is important to know the anatomy of your spouse and know how they work in intercourse. If you don't know this, it can make it very difficult to ensure that your spouses needs are being met. AND it is very important that intimacy in marriage is a wonderful experience for each of you, otherwise it will lead to one not wanting to do it. Then that can lead to more problems and bigger problems. SO it is important to talk to each other and to be kind and considerate of each other. Its also important to know that men and women often show affection differently. Men often try to express their love by making love, when in reality, their wives feel most loved by being cuddled or being told how beautiful they are. So it is a must to learn each others love language and LEARN how to speak it!!!

Going from 2 to 3

An interesting transition in life is going from just you and your spouse, to having a child. We talked about things that would be really important to know as a family as you make that transition. My wife and I already have a child. He is about 15 months old and his name is Cache. We feel so blessed to have the opportunity to have him and to be his parents.

One thing that I remember that stands out to me when I was going through this transition is that I was really stressed. Don't get me wrong, my wife and I were really excited to be having our first child. However, as a student and being the husband, I felt the strain of finances. Its my role to provide for my family. I felt overwhelmed at the fact that there was soon to be another in our home that would need my support. Money was tight, but it always is being in college. I guess that I just learned a great lesson in Faith. I had to have faith that God would see us through it. As I realized that this great thing that was happening is so important to God's plan for Our happiness, I began to trust in Him more. I knew that things would be OK. And they were. We were able to get the resources we needed to make having our first child a wonderful experience.

In Marriage, Dating needs to continue with your Spouse

This week we talked about preparing for marriage. We discussed a lot of great things about how to date and what kind of things we should be looking for as we date. I hope that all that information will be used well be my classmates who are not yet married. As we discussed this topic throughout the week, I kept thinking, "how can I apply these principles I'm learning about dating into my life since I'm already married?"

One of the most important principles that we talked about was that we need to date rather than just hang out. This caused me to reflect back upon my courtship with my wife Kate. We did go on some great dates and did some really fun things. However, I do think that we may have fell into this trend of hanging out a bit too much. The interesting thing is that how you act and what you do when you date carries over to what you do when you're married. SO... I feel that my wife and I hang out too much, rather than going out and doing something, something planned, something prepared, something interesting and different. We probably sit at home too much watching too many movies.

I'm very grateful that learning about this has opened my eyes. I'm going to take my wife out on more dates. I'm going to surprise her with fun things to go do that I've planned. She always tells me that she would like that so much. Wives are so smart! I know that by dating my wife we will continue to grow closer as a couple and strengthen our marriage.

Gender means Something

I have really enjoyed the things I have learned about gender through the readings and discussions that we've had in my Family Relations class this past week. One of the things that we learned about is that boys are different than girls and each gender has traits that are typical for their gender. For example girls tend to be better communicators, better at connecting relationships, and usually more attentive to detail. Boys on the other hand tend to be able to see and think in 3D, accel in math, and are more aggressive. However, this doesn't mean that because you are a boy you will have all the "boy characteristics" and it also doesn't mean that if you don't have the male typical traits that you aren't a male.

As parents, we need to help our children develop those talents that they have been naturally gifted with, rather than worry about if it is male or female typical. If they do have abilities that aren't necessarily typical for their gender, this doesn't mean that they are gay or lesbian. Those things are not gay and we as parents and a society need to change the current trend of labeling these things as such! These false labels are one of the factors that have in fact lead many boys and girls down the wrong path to experiment in homosexuality. How we as individuals perceive ourselves largely depends on how others view us.

Culture

Culture is a very important aspect of life and it impacts our family. I was born in Utah but was raised all my life in Rexburg Idaho. So it is probably safe to say that I lived in a somewhat sheltered place. This is due to the fact that my family is LDS and Rexburg is predominantly a LDS community. I was raised a LDS person in a LDS culture.
It wasn't until my mission in St. Louis Missouri that I got a glimpse at what the rest of the people in United States considered normal. Even as a missionary, my eyes were opened to many things that were in that culture that weren't in mine and vice-versa. Seeing this helped me to understand the culture that I was brought up in. To better know one's own culture, one needs to get an outside perspective and also see other cultures.
I am now a parent and have one son so far. I feel that it could greatly benefit my children as they grow up to gain this understanding of their own culture by learning about and witnessing other cultures. There are somethings that in other cultures that we can adopt and apply in our own family culture and somethings that we must stay far away from.

Unspoken Rules

Every family has rules whether they are written down or not. After we had our discussion in class about rules, I feel that most rules in homes are learned from stepping outside of what mom and dad feel the boundaries are. Once we have done that, we are quickly corrected. After experiencing this time and again, we learn what is appropriate.
When we get married, we have to mesh our rules that we, as individuals, grew up by. For example, my wife grew up in a home that when you enter the house you take your shoes off. In my home it was OK if you didn't take your shoes off upon entering (unless of course they were muddy or extremely dirty). After my wife and I got married, I learned that when I came in our home and didn't take off my shoes she would get frustrated with me. She's told me that in order to keep our carpet nice and minimize the amount that we have to vacuum, we need to take our shoes off in the house. I've had a hard time with this rule because I grew up differently. Also, I felt that if my shoes were pretty clean there was no need to take them off. However, she has been persistent in kindly reminding me whenever she catches me with my shoes on in the home. All she has to do to remind me is give the look and direct her eyes toward my shoes and I know. I've begun to make a habit of taking my shoes off at the door. Not only because we have a kid that can walk now and I know that his shoes are going to make a mess if worn in the home, but also because I LOVE MY WIFE!!!

Following Trends

In my Family 160 Class, we have been talking about how to be cautious when presented with information, in particular, learning how to decipher whether a study or research can be regarded as creditable or not. I feel that it is really important to use this type of critical thinking when deciding on issues that will impact our families. Our professor pointed out to us that the LDS Church has slowly followed some of the trends of the world. Although about 20 years behind, some of those trends are marrying later in life, having fewer children, and both spouses working and therefore leaving the children with a babysitter. Now I know that there are many circumstances where it is necessary that both parents work, but I'm not talking about those situations. I'm referring to the spouses that feel that they need extra spending money to buy fancy things and every little thing that the world feels is a must have. If we are not careful it is very easy to fall into the trends of the world. We are surrounded by so much media: books, tv, magazines, ect all trying to tell us the best way to live our lives. We need to weed out those trends and information that will lead our families contrary to where Our Heavenly Father wants us to be.

First Blog Post EVER!

Hey if you are reading this, Congratulations! You are so fortunate to have read and witnessed my very first blog post in my Life! Sorry if my blog looks lame as of now. I made it on my own and I haven't done much to it, however my wife knows how to work these blogs and is really good at making them cool so I'm sure she'll be helping me spice it up!